0120

Very cold and windy last night. Instead of lighting a morning fire, I shovel the circle to warm myself, then drive to church. A conversation with Larry after Mass leads me to some introspective thoughts: the ironic contradictions between my zealous idealism and dismal failures.

My earnest desire has long been to accomplish something significant with my life, especially as to eternal realities, or to leave behind a great legacy. This has always seemed a noble aspiration. But then I consider: the ranks of the 'great achievers' include Bill Clinton, Margaret Sanger, Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler...

There is no doubt - my current life is a very small and insignificant one. I spend my days shovelling snow, driving nails, cooking pumpkins, and doing what I must do to survive. This may be God making sure my lofty ambitions don't devour my soul. I ask Jesus: Is my ambition and idealism pleasing to You? The answer (I think): Be willing to be small. Be willing to be great, if that's what He wills.

Right now, Jerry is definitely small.

0119

Snowing steadily when I get up, so I stay indoors and finish soldering the copper pipes for the upstairs bathroom. Fire up the rigged-up pump to supply pressure. To my great satisfaction (and surprise) all joints hold just fine. Guess I'm getting better at sweating copper pipes. Also getting psyched up to build a wood-fired water heating system, and have hot water on tap.

By mid-afternoon, the snowstorm has cleared, so I shovel out the driveway before calling it a day.

0118

Snow during the night, and still coming down when I awake, but mid-morning it stops and begins to clear up, so I go out to clear the driveway and circle. Am comfortable now with the notion of shovelling my own snow by hand. So much so that, when Wayne offers to start plowing with his rig, I respectfully turn him down. It's kinda fun, actually - clean work, good for the body, good for the mind and soul, too. As with all my repetitive chores, I easily let my thoughts wander as I work...

The sharp crack! of a cold tree in the east woods makes me look up. So I stop and look about, breathing the fresh winter air. The dead of winter, and I feel very much alive. Have experienced all the seasons now, and the rhythms of nature that each cycle brings. As I get the house insulated and closed up better, it becomes easier to warm with just a wood stove. The gas company can come take their propane tank away any time - I am confident now that I don't need the furnace. I'm doing it - I'm really living this life that I set out to live. I find this exhilarating - that little ol' me could learn how to survive like this in minimalist fashion. And how good it is to be enjoying the fruit of the earth this time of year - carrots, potatoes, corn, beans, applesauce, herbal tea, etc, etc. (Oh, that reminds me - I should cut up more pumpkins when I get time.)

Done shovelling. Before I go in, I get that nice used casement window from Dick out of the garage, and carry it inside to prepare it for installation. Then I warm up the house, eat my hearty supper with relish, and cut up a couple pumpkins.

0117

What a difference a millennium makes. Yesterday's depression becomes today's mania. I jump right into my work this morning, installing outlet & switch boxes in the kitchen, an outlet in the southwest bedroom, and a little more insulating. Outdoors, I wrap the frazzled wires that I noticed in the rear of the truck, pump water for the house, etc. I even trim my hair & beard before taking my bath late and calling it a day.